he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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