And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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