New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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