Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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