god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
