he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize