We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
