so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
