idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
