So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
