i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
