Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
