You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
