At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
