I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
