well I can't set my house on fire every night
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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