you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
