Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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