Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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