it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
