would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
