and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
