Whod you bang
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
