Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
