2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Randomize
