I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
