Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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