That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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