I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
