we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
