you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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