ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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