The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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