What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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