hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
