My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
