from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
