the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
