Your dad touched me again.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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