It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
