Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize