That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
