For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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