I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
