We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
