So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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