she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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