I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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