I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
