You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
