and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
