sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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