Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
