I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
