i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
