Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
