i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
