When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
