I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize