Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
