He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
