Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
