i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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