pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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