I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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