His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
